The Disclaimer
What are we? What do we do? First off, we are actually not from Turkey. We are from Arkansas, U.S.A. How we became to be called the Turkish Diplomats is a story for another time but let’s just say it was a long time ago and we were drunk. And as for the Diplomat part that’s up for debate certainly not in any governmental capacity but more in a social capacity we could say we are diplomatic. And the Charming Noise we are presenting? Well, it’s the rantings and ravings of a trio of old guys complaining about how wonderful really bad film’s we have watched truly are. so welcome to the madness that is The Turkish Diplomat’s present Charming Noise.
Bad Movies. Bold Reviews. Beautiful Chaos.
Welcome to The Turkish Diplomats present: Charming Noise—your semi-diplomatic deep dive into the strange, the forgotten, and the gloriously terrible corners of cinema.
Every film has its defenders—even the ones no one should defend. That’s where we come in. We’re a scrappy, part-time, occasionally-timed podcast dedicated to dissecting the weirdest reels Hollywood, drive-ins, and VHS bins had to offer.
From toxic frogs to mind-controlling ants, Pam Grier’s vengeance arcs to aquatic disaster pieces like Zaat—if it’s weird, wild, or wonderfully bad, we’re watching it and telling you exactly what we think.
The Podcast
You can find the movies we review on a semi regular basis at just about any of the places you can listen to a podcast. PodBean our home. Spotify, iTunes and even YouTube. We have a Facebook page where we post a lot of stuff and nonsense. Here are a few of the links you can go to because you want to subscribe to us.
🎙️ Listen In
Find us wherever quality podcasts are streamed (and even in places they probably shouldn’t be):
🟢 Spotify | 🍏 Apple Podcasts | 🟠 Podbean | ❤️ iHeart Radio
Biography
In the grand tapestry of the podcasting universe, a peculiar trio emerges, not from the cosmic dust of stars, but from the sweat-soaked mats of the wrestling world. They are “The Turkish Diplomats,” a band of brothers in spirit, if not by blood, whose paths converged in a serendipitous twist of fate.
Paul, the intrepid explorer, with a compass perpetually dangling from his neck, has charted territories that many a GPS would shy away from. His biography reads like a ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ book, where every chapter ends with “To continue following Paul into the unknown, turn to page 94.” A man who swapped the corporate ladder for a rope ladder down into the abyss, Paul’s exploits are whispered in the hallowed halls of explorers’ clubs across the globe.
Calvin, the animal whisperer, speaks fluent canine, feline, and on occasion, porcupine. His biography is less a collection of pages and more a menagerie of tales that leap out and lick your face. He’s the guy who taught a parrot to recite the entire periodic table – backwards. In the world of animal training, Calvin is the undisputed alpha, leading the pack with a gentle hand and a pocket full of treats.
Thomas, the artist, the dreamer, the once-failed painter who discovered that his true canvas was life itself. His biography is a mosaic of ‘almosts’ and ‘what-ifs,’ a kaleidoscope of dreams that found their color outside the lines. Thomas paints with words now, his brushstrokes the timbre of his voice, each podcast episode a masterpiece of spoken art.
How did these three wayfarers of life’s winding road come together? In the squared circle of wrestling, no less, where they were destined to clash in a ballet of brawn. But fate, that capricious artist, had other plans. They never wrestled, no. Instead, they grappled with ideas, tussled with concepts, and pinned down the essence of camaraderie.
And so, “The Turkish Diplomats” were born, not from the ashes of defeat, but from the realization that their true calling was in the podcasting ring, where conversations are the new headlocks, and every episode is a main event. Tune in, turn on, and drop out of the mundane, for the Diplomats are here to regale you with tales that transcend the ordinary, in a style that would make even Allen Ginsberg nod in approval from the great beyond.
🎞️ Seasons Archive
The chaos is organized… sort of.
Welcome to the vault. Below you’ll find a categorized glimpse into our descent through the weirdest corners of cinema. Each season tackles a different flavor of nonsense, from hairy forest legends to cosmic catastrophes and sun-baked drive-in disasters. Start anywhere—none of this makes sense in order anyway.
Season 1 – Bigfoot Bonanza
Before there was Godzilla vs. Kong, there was Bigfoot vs. Literally Everyone. Season One is where our saga began: tracking down the grimiest, most unshaven, least-plausible Sasquatch sightings in cinema history. Come for the cryptids, stay for the suspicious facial hair and truly baffling sound design.
🚀 Season 2 – Space Science Gone Wrong
Aliens, robots, rogue scientists, and intergalactic wardrobe malfunctions—Season Two launches into the cold vacuum of space and promptly explodes on re-entry. We explore the films that ask, “What if science… but dumb?” Expect ray guns, rubber masks, and gravity-defying plot holes.
🍿 Season 3 – Drive-In Dramas
Double features. Triple body counts. Zero logic. In Season Three, we pay tribute to the golden age of sticky-floored theaters and speaker-box chaos. These are the films meant to be half-watched through a cloud of cigarette smoke and soda fizz. From biker babes to blood-stained revenge tales, this season is all bite and no budget.
📰 What Else Is Brewing?
💼 Off-Duty Dispatches
Where logic takes a smoke break.
This is the back alley behind the embassy. The broom closet of our cinematic archive. The forgotten notebook filled with trivia, thoughts, and stray bits of film ephemera too odd, too small, or too deranged to make it into the main show. Here you’ll find:
- ✍️ Mini-reviews of short films, trailers, and public service announcements with more accidental horror than intended.
- 🎥 Obscure oddities like Cold War training reels, 1950s safety videos, and the occasional claymation fever dream.
- 🧠 Trivia bombs—fun facts, historical rabbit holes, and behind-the-scenes misadventures from the world of low-budget legends.
- 🗺️ Film sightings that don’t fit a season theme, but still deserve a spotlight (or a restraining order).
Think of Off-Duty Dispatches as the quiet guy at the end of the bar who’s been watching weird movies since 4 PM and just has to tell someone. That someone… is you.
T.D. Grand Bizaare
Stuff & Things
🎧 New episodes drop when they drop.
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