Author: turkishdiplomats.com

Well now, down in that dim little corner of 1972 where shag carpets and cigarette smoke met low-budget cinema, there was a film—if we dare call it that—by the name I Dismember Mama. A title with all the grace of a hatchet in a birthday cake.

The story—or the loose collection of scenes pretending to be one—follows poor Albert, a man fresh out of a mental institution who’s got more mother issues than a Tennessee Williams character. After deciding that therapy isn’t quite cutting it, he embarks on a not-so-charming spree of murderous self-help.

Between rambling monologues, wildly inconsistent lighting, and a tone that swings like a mood ring at a funeral, Albert ends up befriending (in the loosest sense of the word) a young girl, and well… let’s just say the film tries to tiptoe toward tenderness but ends up belly-flopping into the shallow end of uncomfortable.

It’s not quite horror, not quite drama, and not quite coherent—but it’s exactly the sort of cinematic misadventure that The Turkish Diplomats Present Charming Noise was born to dissect. If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if Norman Bates had access to a lava lamp and a six-pack of Schlitz, this one’s for you.

Where to Listen and explore

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🎙️ A Most Inappropriate Escape

(As reviewed by The Turkish Diplomats on “Charming Noise”—available wherever podcasts misbehave.)

Ah yes, the 1970s—a simpler time, when prison uniforms were optional, explosions were mandatory, and social commentary came with matching go-go boots. Black Mama, White Mama stars the incomparable Pam Grier and Margaret Markov as two wrongfully imprisoned women—one a revolutionary, the other a runaway rich girl—shackled together and on the run in what can only be described as a feminist buddy comedy if your definition of “feminist” involves gratuitous nudity, sweaty chase scenes, and a flamethrower-wielding nun.

Yes, it’s a cinematic stew of revolution, revenge, awkward bath scenes, and a plot that feels like it was written on a cocktail napkin mid-car chase. But don’t worry—your favorite Turkish Diplomats are here to unshackle the chaos in our newest episode of Charming Noise, the podcast where bad movies go to get gloriously over-analyzed.

So fire up your transistor radios (or just click a link like a normal person) and subscribe now on Podbean, Spotify, Apple, iHeartRadio, and wherever you legally acquire podcasts. Because let’s face it—any movie that begins with a prison break and ends in a Marxist gunfight deserves at least one more diplomatic debrief.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE – 1972

THE TURKISH DIPLOMATS PRESENT CHARMING NOISE: A MOVIE REVIEW OF “FROGS” – THE SLIMY, HOPPING APOCALYPSE YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU NEEDED

Ladies and gentlemen, children of the swamp, and weary travelers of this strange American experiment—heed this warning. The amphibians are coming, and they are pissed.

The Turkish Diplomats—your most reliable, least stable source for filmic dissection and charming auditory chaos—have sacrificed their time, their sanity, and possibly their very souls to bring you a harrowing review of Frogs (1972), a film so aggressively terrible, so completely devoid of rational storytelling, that it may very well be an unintentional masterpiece.

Before you accuse us of frog-mongering, let’s examine the evidence: Frogs stars a young, yet already exuding raw machismo, Sam Elliott, playing a freelance photographer who finds himself trapped on a Southern plantation surrounded by the grotesque, nature-strikes-back horrors of murderous frogs. Yes, you read that correctly.

Are the frogs wielding tiny knives? Are they operating complex Rube Goldberg-esque kill machines? No. They mostly sit there, existing ominously, like small, damp aristocrats watching their human prey trip over themselves and everything else in a flailing panic. It’s a slow-burn existential nightmare in which the true horror is realizing you’ve been watching a movie where, for a full 90 minutes, amphibians barely move—AND YET, you cannot look away.

We break it all down, scene by swampy scene, on this week’s episode of The Turkish Diplomats present Charming Noise, where we dissect Frogs with the precision of a scalpel and the reckless abandon of a drunk wielding said scalpel. Was this a sly commentary on environmental collapse? A low-budget tax write-off? A fever dream someone mistook for a screenplay? We have theories, and you need to hear them.

Tune in wherever fine podcasts are distributed to the masses—Podbean, Spotify, Apple, and NOW on iHeart Radio—because someone had to watch Frogs, and you damn well owe it to yourself to hear about it.

Hop to it, folks.

END OF TRANSMISSION.

By God, the boys have finally posted the first episode of a new season! Yes Season 3, Episode 1 of the Turkish Diplomats Present Charming Noise is finally live. In this extra-long very special episode, Tom, Calvin, and Paul review what some have referred to as “a movie.” From 1958, “She Demons” by B-movie director Richard Cunha provides the fodder for the boys to nearly talk longer than the actual movie. There’s a lot to check out…hurricanes, shipwrecks, mild but pervasive racism, barely-clothed dance troupes, and that’s before the Nazis show up! Then there’s a laboratory, an unlikely love story, underground laboratories, monster ladies, German geothermal energy exploitation, and maybe a nuclear bomb! Speaking of a bomb, that may be what this movie is, but you’ll have to listen to find out.

In the year 1958, under a brooding sky and amidst the ghostly waves of the ocean, a sinister tale unfolds in the horror classic *She Demons*. The story follows the intrepid journey of a group of survivors who find themselves washed ashore on a mysterious and uncharted island after their boat is wrecked in a violent storm. As they venture deeper into the heart of the island, they stumble upon a secret laboratory operated by a mad scientist, whose grotesque experiments have turned beautiful women into hideous, monstrous creatures—demons, both in appearance and in spirit.

Our protagonists, led by the resourceful Fred Maklin and the courageous Jerrie Turner, must navigate a perilous maze of traps and confront the malevolent Dr. Leroux. The narrative masterfully combines elements of suspense, fear, and an exploration of human resilience in the face of unimaginable horrors. Each character’s struggle with their inner demons mirrors the external terror they face, crafting a hauntingly poignant reflection on the essence of humanity.

In the midst of this eerie atmosphere, allow me to recommend a delightful respite from the darkness. The “Turkish Diplomats Present Charming Noise” podcast, hosted by Thomas, Calvin, and Paul, offers a refreshing analysis and witty commentary on films such as *She Demons*. Their quest to bring the world reviews of bad movies ensures you can savor the essence of these classics without subjecting yourself to their full duration, should you wish to spare yourself.

For those eager to delve deeper into the world of cinema, Thomas, Calvin, and Paul’s insights can be explored further at TurkishDiplomats.com. As our trio guides you through the labyrinth of forgotten films, you’ll find that even the most obscure horrors have their place in the annals of cinematic history.