Category: Season 2 Science Gone Bad

In the cosmic tapestry of ‘Astro Loco’

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Astro Loco viewing

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An inquisitive spaceship computer named Hetfield is tasked with overseeing a safe voyage to Jupiter’s icy moon, Callisto. Amid the vast loneliness of space, the crew grapples with mounting cabin fever, and Hetfield, in a quest to cultivate a deeper sense of humanity, must foster closer relationships among the crew. As the journey unfolds, Hetfield’s programming evolves, blurring the lines between machine and man, leading to a crescendo of paranoia and mistrust. It’s a darkly comedic odyssey that explores the essence of what it means to be human when separated by the infinite void of space.

Now, let us drift from the silver screen to the auditory realm of podcasts, where ‘The Turkish Diplomats Podcast’ weaves its own narrative. Here, the hosts—Tom, Calvin, and Paul—delve into the art of bad movie appreciation, sharing their camaraderie and humorous takes that are sure to charm and entertain. They are the jesters in the court of cinematic critique, bringing a ‘Charming Noise‘ to the ears of all who tune in.

And what of ‘Charming Noise‘? It is the symphony of life, the background score to our daily hustle, the gentle hum that accompanies our every action. It is the music that plays when the heart flutters, the laughter that echoes in a room filled with friends, the soft whisper of the wind against the leaves. It is the sound of existence, the melody that underscores our journey through the stars and back to the warmth of home.

In a style reminiscent of Truman Capote’s eloquent prose, one can imagine these narratives intertwining—a film that touches the soul, a podcast that tickles the funny bone, and the charming noise that reminds us of the beauty in the mundane. It’s a celebration of creativity, a testament to the human spirit’s unyielding desire to explore and express, whether it be through the lens of a camera, the microphone of a podcast, or the simple sounds that color our world.

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4…3…2…1…Morte!

Let us embark on a literary journey through the cosmos as we recount the tale of “Mission Stardust,” a cinematic adventure that graced the silver screens in the year of 1967.

“Mission Stardust” unfurls its narrative in the vast expanse of space, where Major Perry Rhodan, portrayed by the dashing Lang Jeffries, leads a valiant crew aboard the Rocketship Stardust. Their quest? To procure a source of radioactive material far surpassing the potency of uranium. Upon their lunar sojourn, they encounter a stranded Arkonide spaceship, commanded by the resolute Thora, brought to life by Essy Persson, and housing the ailing scientist Crest, depicted by John Karlsen. The Earthmen learn of Crest’s affliction with leukemia, a malady for which Earth’s own medical advancements hold a cure.

The plot thickens as treachery and ambition intertwine; a traitorous crewman, in league with a terrestrial crime lord, covets the radioactive material and the advanced Arkonide technology. A nefarious scheme unfolds, leading to the abduction of Thora and a perilous rescue mission. With the aid of Arkonide technology bestowed upon them by Crest, Rhodan and his steadfast companion, Mike Bull, played by Luis Dávila, thwart the criminal’s designs, secure the cure for Crest, and vow to return with aid for the Arkonides.

The film’s international odyssey began in Rome, under the title “4…3…2…1…ZMorte,” and voyaged through West Germany as “Perry Rhodan–SOS aus dem Weltall,” before reaching the shores of Spain and the United States. The special effects, though deemed crude by the standards of the day, possessed a certain audacious charm that captivated audiences, much like the bold strokes of an artist’s brush that defy convention.

The ensemble cast, including Pinkas Braun, Gianni Rizzo, and Ann Smyrner, lent their talents to this interstellar escapade, weaving a tapestry of characters that spanned the breadth of human emotion and alien intrigue. The film’s effects, crafted by the imaginative Antonio Margheriti, though not without their imperfections, were a testament to the era’s burgeoning creativity in cinematic storytelling.

In a delightful twist of fate, the themes of “Mission Stardust” resonate with the musings of the “Turkish Diplomats Podcast,” where hosts Tom, Calvin, and Paul, much like the crew of the Stardust, navigate the galaxies of bad movies with the camaraderie and charm that only good friends can share. Their podcast, “Charming Noise,” is a symphony of laughter and nostalgia, a celebration of the films that, despite their flaws, capture our hearts and imaginations.

Thus concludes our homage to “Mission Stardust,” a film that, like the cherished works of Alcott, reminds us of the enduring power of storytelling, the boundless potential of the human spirit, and the uncharted territories that await us among the stars. May we always look to the heavens with wonder and embrace the charming noise of our shared adventures.

Welcome to the first ever episode of “The Turkish Diplomats Present Charming Noise.” This week, Tom, Cal, and Paul review “Bigfoot’s Wild Weekend,” which is something like a movie, in that it is on some streaming services and runs about as long as a movie. Actually, they will be reviewing Bigfoot-connected movies all season, unless they don’t. NOTE: There is some naughty, naughty language, mostly from Paul.

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Bigfoot’s Wild Weekend

Genre: Adventure, Comedy, Fantasy (2012)

Synopsis: In the heart of the dense Pacific Northwest forest, a group of unsuspecting campers stumble upon the most extraordinary creature of all time: Bigfoot. But this isn’t your typical, elusive Sasquatch. No, this Bigfoot is a party-loving, guitar-strumming, and dance-moves-busting wild spirit!

As the campers try to capture evidence of their discovery, they inadvertently become part of Bigfoot’s wild weekend escapades. From moonlit dance-offs to marshmallow-roasting competitions, the forest comes alive with laughter, mystery, and a touch of magic.

“But there’s a twist! The Turkish Diplomats, known for their serious demeanor and diplomatic prowess, are on a secret mission to study the behavior of mythical creatures. They’ve set up a makeshift podcast studio deep in the woods, where they record their observations and theories about Bigfoot’s existence. Their deadpan commentary clashes hilariously with the chaos unfolding around them.”

Will Bigfoot reveal his true purpose? Can the Turkish Diplomats keep a straight face while discussing Bigfoot’s dance moves? And what’s the deal with that mysterious link they keep mentioning?

Listen to the Turkish Diplomats’ exclusive podcast episode on “Bigfoot’s Wild Weekend” here to find out!

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Note: “Bigfoot’s Wild Weekend” is a delightful blend of adventure, fantasy, and comedy that will leave you believing in the magic of the forest and the power of a good dance-off. 🌲🕺🎉

In the murky depths of cinematic horror, there exists a tale most ghastly—a celluloid nightmare known as “The Astro-Zombies.” Gather close, dear reader, as I weave this macabre yarn.

The Astro-Zombies: A Ghastly Overture

Upon the precipice of scientific folly, Dr. DeMarco, once a luminary of the space agency, descends into madness. His soul, scorched by rejection, craves vengeance. From the lifeless husks of murder victims, he assembles a grotesque symphony—a patchwork of limbs, organs, and stolen breath. These superhuman monstrosities, stitched together with the precision of a deranged maestro, awaken to a world unprepared for their malevolence.

Act I: The Unholy Genesis Dr. DeMarco, fueled by resentment, wields scalpel and sinew. He crafts an Astroman—an abomination birthed from a criminal’s corpse. Yet, in his hubris, he loses dominion over his creation. The creature, like Prometheus unbound, breaks free from its slab, its eyes aflame with hunger. The moon bears witness to its first steps—a dance of death upon the blood-soaked earth.

Act II: The Killing Spree The Astro-Zombies—such a name whispered in dread—embrace their newfound existence. Their limbs, once cold and disjointed, now writhe with purpose. They roam the moonlit streets, their footsteps echoing doom. Victims fall like autumn leaves, their screams swallowed by the abyss. The scent of decay hangs heavy, attracting not only mortal eyes but also the gaze of shadowy spies and the insatiable maw of the CIA.

Act III: The Descent Holman, a lone investigator, follows the trail of carnage. His lantern flickers against the night’s malevolence. He glimpses the Astro-Zombies—black-masked, eyes vacant, driven by an infernal hunger. The world trembles as secrets unravel—a clandestine web of espionage entwined with cosmic dread. The heavens weep, for humanity’s sins have birthed monsters beyond reckoning.

Curtain Falls And so, dear reader, the Astro-Zombies pirouette upon the precipice of oblivion. Their creator, once a man of reason, now a puppeteer of doom. The stars bear witness to this unholy ballet—a requiem for sanity, a dirge for innocence. As the final reel unspools, remember: in the void, no secrets remain buried, and the shadows hunger for our sins.

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Thus concludes our grim saga, a celluloid nightmare etched upon the silver screen. Beware, for the Astro-Zombies linger, their hollow eyes fixed upon our trembling world. 🌑🎥🧟‍♂️

And amidst this chaos, a podcast echoes in the night— “The Turkish Diplomats Present Charming Noise”—where voices, like the phantom’s tales, discuss the very fabric of such cinematic horrors. They speak of bad movies and good friendships, a charming cacophony to accompany the dance of the Astro Zombies².

So concludes this grim narrative, a blend of science and horror, where the dead walk and talkers muse, a chilling noise to unsettle the soul.