Category: Season 3 Drive-Ins

Bad Movies from the Drive-in era

Empire of the Ants (1977)

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE – 1977

THE TURKISH DIPLOMATS PRESENT CHARMING NOISE: A MOVIE REVIEW OF “EMPIRE OF THE ANTS” – WHEN NATURE DECIDED TO EAT US ALL AND SOMEHOW MADE IT BORING

Friends, countrymen, and survivors of the drive-in apocalypse—brace yourselves. The ants have arrived, and they are here to take what is rightfully theirs.

The Turkish Diplomats—your most devoted connoisseurs of cinematic catastrophes and deeply suspect artistic choices—have once again stared directly into the abyss and returned with a report. This time, it’s Empire of the Ants (1977), a film that dares to ask, “What if ants were huge, homicidal, and really bad at special effects?”

Yes, we’re diving headfirst into this unholy spectacle, featuring the legendary Joan Collins—who spends the entire movie looking like she just realized her agent is going to be fired the second she gets back to civilization. The premise? A sleazy real estate scam goes sideways when a batch of toxic waste turns everyday ants into towering, mind-controlling overlords. The result? A terrifying glimpse into a future where mankind is enslaved by insects, or at the very least, some deeply unconvincing papier-mâché monsters.

But don’t let the premise fool you—this is no ordinary creature feature. This is a disaster wrapped in a farce, stuffed inside a fever dream, and we’re here to pick it apart like deranged entomologists armed with microphones and just enough caffeine to make bad decisions.

On this week’s episode of The Turkish Diplomats present Charming Noise, we break it all down: the hypnotic power of bad dubbing, the existential dread of watching human actors pretend to be controlled by what is very clearly an ant on a fishing line, and the unshakable horror of realizing that somehow, some way, this thing got a theatrical release.

Join us as we dive into the madness, available now on Podbean, Spotify, Apple, and iHeart Radio—because somebody had to watch Empire of the Ants, and it sure as hell wasn’t going to be you.

END TRANSMISSION.

She Demon (1958)

By God, the boys have finally posted the first episode of a new season! Yes Season 3, Episode 1 of the Turkish Diplomats Present Charming Noise is finally live. In this extra-long very special episode, Tom, Calvin, and Paul review what some have referred to as “a movie.” From 1958, “She Demons” by B-movie director Richard Cunha provides the fodder for the boys to nearly talk longer than the actual movie. There’s a lot to check out…hurricanes, shipwrecks, mild but pervasive racism, barely-clothed dance troupes, and that’s before the Nazis show up! Then there’s a laboratory, an unlikely love story, underground laboratories, monster ladies, German geothermal energy exploitation, and maybe a nuclear bomb! Speaking of a bomb, that may be what this movie is, but you’ll have to listen to find out.

In the year 1958, under a brooding sky and amidst the ghostly waves of the ocean, a sinister tale unfolds in the horror classic *She Demons*. The story follows the intrepid journey of a group of survivors who find themselves washed ashore on a mysterious and uncharted island after their boat is wrecked in a violent storm. As they venture deeper into the heart of the island, they stumble upon a secret laboratory operated by a mad scientist, whose grotesque experiments have turned beautiful women into hideous, monstrous creatures—demons, both in appearance and in spirit.

Our protagonists, led by the resourceful Fred Maklin and the courageous Jerrie Turner, must navigate a perilous maze of traps and confront the malevolent Dr. Leroux. The narrative masterfully combines elements of suspense, fear, and an exploration of human resilience in the face of unimaginable horrors. Each character’s struggle with their inner demons mirrors the external terror they face, crafting a hauntingly poignant reflection on the essence of humanity.

In the midst of this eerie atmosphere, allow me to recommend a delightful respite from the darkness. The “Turkish Diplomats Present Charming Noise” podcast, hosted by Thomas, Calvin, and Paul, offers a refreshing analysis and witty commentary on films such as *She Demons*. Their quest to bring the world reviews of bad movies ensures you can savor the essence of these classics without subjecting yourself to their full duration, should you wish to spare yourself.

For those eager to delve deeper into the world of cinema, Thomas, Calvin, and Paul’s insights can be explored further at TurkishDiplomats.com. As our trio guides you through the labyrinth of forgotten films, you’ll find that even the most obscure horrors have their place in the annals of cinematic history.